Giant Voles and midget Lesbians
by davethelaughfan
Summary: Hiya this is my first fan fic, it's set after LIAMTT and it's gonna be a gee - dave stroy :
1. Chapter 1

**(AN****: Hiya, this is my first Fanfic, not sure if it's good or not, but hey ho will only upate it u guys review so I no that it is OK.)**

**30 seconds later**

Phwoar!! Dave is literally king of snogging, and it has to be said, a vair marvey with knobs on (ooer) nip libeler extrauanair!

**3 minutes later**

Hmmm this is naaaice… Yummy scrumboes!!! Oh dear Gott in Himmel I am now thinking of Libby while snogging Dave!!!

"Yuck!" Oops, did I really just say that out loud? Stupid brain…. I blame you I really do!. No Dave don't stop, quit stopping!!

When I looked up at Dave he was looking rather unlaughingishly. Big G why do you always pick on me? Can't I go back and not say that? And while I'm asking for things I wouldn't mind if you could wreck wet Lindsey as well. Please? I'll give you a jammy dodger!

**1 minute later, given up on god and now attempting to pursuede Buddha.**

And I'll give you an ice cream… I look up to see Dave looking at me strangely why?? Stop staring…

"Look Gee I really like you and all but…"

"You like the queen more" I cut in probably digging myself another hole. Oh bugger.

"I was gonna say that I have Emma, And you, you have your handbag horse."

**20 seconds later**

Standing looking like a goldfish.

"Wh-what?" Oh dear big G, I've turned into Ellen, which is never a good thing.

"Stop being such an Ellen Gee." Dave replied with that naughty smile, and his lovely green eyes twinkeling away twinkly twink. Hey! Wait, he like justread my mind, who does he think he is? Mystic Meg? No wait Jack le biscuit is I'm sure a boy, not a girly, Oh my gosh, if he is a girl that would mean that, "I am a Lesbian"

Dave starts looking at me funny yet again, what is it with him looking at me funny tonight? Not even haha funny more like "There's a crazy person escaped from the asylum, quick, you keep her talking and I'll get the men in white coats" Sort of look if you get what I mean. Which I think you do an if you don't then you are too dim to be able to read.

**½ a minute later**

Dave is still staring at me doing a vair good impression of a fishy.

"Your not really a Lezzie are you??" he asked in such seriousness. Where the hell did he get that? Hmm… has Lindsey gone around spreading those rumors again? Oh wait did he hear my brain rambling earlier??

"What nonsense did you hear me say?"

"which part sexkitty?"

"The part about me thinking your eyes were gorgy and that I thought you were mystic Meg, but that would make me a lezzie."

"You think I have gorgy eyes?" Oh bugger, I can't lie now.

"Yup." I answered I think a little too eagerly

"You didn't hear me before did you…"

"Nope" I'm confuzzeled. What is going on, I am in a forest with my strictly mate/ accidental snogging partner who makes me feel vair groovy

"Gee you look so cute when your confuzzeled."

"Awww.." That's so sweet! No wait no! I must eschew my hand with a firm red bottom, wait… what did I just say?

"Look… Dave.." Some rustling in the bushes a couple of meters away cut me off.

"So Hunky" I heard a vair fringey voice say "Are you sure that the frog eating newts aren't dangerous?" How dull can you get?

Me and Dave must of jumped a mile (not literally you fules of le first water!) and we both ended up ace first in the water.

"Ooh. Hunky, I think I heard something! Maybe it was a bear, ooh Hunky what if it is a bear?" Stupid fringey. Everyone knows that the teddy bear picnic is not untill next week. Duh.

Rrribit. Rrribit.

Stupid frog! You'll blow our cover. Dave just jumped at me and knocked us both over, we landed in ice cold water, in a rather undignified position, with him on top squishing my nunga's, while trying to get up we were interrupted by a rather fringy voice shouting.

"Oh my giddy god! Look Hunky Gee and Dave are having Sex!"

Dave looked at me. I looked at him. We both burst out laughing then Hunky came Hunkiying over and started yelling at Dave saying how he has Emma Blah Blah Blah. God Dave looked scared.

I didn't want to watch all this, so I ran.

**10 minutes later**

Pant, pant run run run. Oh deary me. Where the hell am I? Oh I can't stay here all alone… the evil midget lesbians might come and start staring at me because of my smoothy smooth legs!

**2 minutes later.**

Sitting by a massive tree. Oh for the love of big G's novelty undercrackers where in hell am I? If you are reading this please save me, I am the girl sitting in-between a bush and a tree trying to hide from all those scary creatures out there such as giant voles and midget lesbians.

**5 minutes later.**

"Gee, you there?" I heard a girl's voice ask.

OH MY GIDDY GOD midget lesbians!

I curled down further into the bush which is not a good idea, as I should probably point out I am currently already laying on about five thousand twigs all digging into me at different angles. When I curled down further, the twigs just dug deeper, so I decided to stay put.

**10 minutes later.**

All the voices have gone now and I think I have le twig up moi's bum-oley which is vair painful indeedio.

Oh my days! I'm going to be stuck in the forest of red bottommosity, forever!

I love Massimo, he is my gorgey porgy Italian Cakey, and his eyes! They're so lush and green, no wait! Dave has green eyes! Masimo has golden eyes, such a lovely dovely shade of golden they are, and he is all mine. My boyfriend that took me ages to get, and that snoggs so fabbyly, and makes me laugh, no wait, he doesn't make me laugh. He is rather serious sometimes, and the language barrier mans he doesn't always understand. Oh well he is still so gorgey.

**2 minutes later.**

Urrgh at this rate I'm never going to get out of here. Or any sleep either to be hon.. 

**(AN so guys what do u think? Please R+R if you want more of if you want to help me improve it.)**


	2. Sunrise

**(OMG shocker I know, I am so so sorry for not carrying on a I have been so busy and what not :P any way here you go…^_^ )**

**Morning.**

"Gee you there" Oh my golly gosh it's Dave! I swear my heart just skipped a beat from hearing his voice.

"Dave?" I asked even though I was about 99% sure it was him. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me now because I ran away. I could hear him getting nearer so I called out for him to make sure he didn't miss me. It's so dark I can't see anything I hope he hasn't left me, maybe he did leave me and he doesn't like me anymore and he now wants too…

"AHH!" Dave just grabbed my shoulders from behind interrupting my train of thought. I could hear his oh so lush laugh as he gently whispered in my ear. "Gotcha."

"Dave. Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again." I said seriously but smiled afterwards though which kind of ruined the whole dramatic affect. Ah well.

Dave is smiling at me, I can make out that twinkle in his eye that I see, his beautiful eyes, so green so kind.

"So miss Nicholson art thou ready to return to camp?" He put out his hand to help me up off the ground before wrapping his arm around me."

**2 minutes later.**

Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger. I'm doing it again. Here I am in Dave's arms after he insisted on carrying me safely to the tent and I, I like it. But is that so bad? It's not like he likes me at all anyway we're just strictly matey type mates / accidental snogging partner, that's not at all unormal for someone to do that is it? Infact it's like ultra normal. So normal that every one has one. Yup.

**½ minute Later**

"*Pant, pant* Gee, *Pant*.. we're here now" He let me down before collapsing to the floor with his eyes closed and his chest rising up and down, a smile spread across his face.

**1 minute later.**

He was sitting up next to me and he shifted me onto his lap, the sky was turning pink, strange I have never seen the sunrise before, well not properly not just sat here and watched it, it was quite pretty really.

**10 minutes later.**

We could both here rustling coming from the tents, so Dave thought it was best to leave. Booo! But he promised to visit me ASAP. Yey! I started to walk to the tent I was sharing but tripped oove on my way. Grrrr…. So glad nobody's really up yet I got up and got into the tent where there wa all of the ace gang looking at me. Except one. She was stuttering about some thing or another, she really needs some lessons on how to speak. Do I really need to tell you who? Oh you must know other wise you are le fule of le first water and I really needn't bother to explain it to a fule because they will never understand. Ok it was Ellen. Duh.

**30 seconds later. **

All of my friends are doing excellent impressions of le goldfish. Great….

**10 am.**

Rosie bombarded me with questions, who does she think she is? My Mutti? Well if she does that is just plain creepy and her tops aren't low cut enough. Jas leant me an outfit because looking at me I must have been a state, huh, funny I don't even notice when I am around Dave I mean if I was with Masimo, well I would have probably FREAKED. I mean I hyperventilate if he so much as talks to me and I would never see him without all my makeup yet I was with Dave and I was fine. Well. A lot better than fine but ya'no.

**10:03 am.**

I just realised, why the hell does Jas carry a spare outfit with her?? It was even in her suitcase ( Notice the lack of plural?? She's a nutter) She got it out of her handbag. Vair strange indeedio. Hmmm….

**10:30 am.**

Every ones getting vair bored indeed so Rosie decided she would wake up the whole camp by yodelling (I kid you not.) and one vair unfortunate thingy ma bob about Rosie is she can not keep a tune to save her life, ah well good job Sven is from svenderland and they think it's normal over there.

**2 minutes later **

We're supposed to be packing up right now but if I'm honest with you our group really cannot be bothered. We have just kind of picked our tent up and took the poles out and shoved it in the back of the coach and they got me to sit on it, there reason being my nunga's would squish the tent down. Grrr….

**On the coach.**

Elvis bus driver is vair scary indeedio he is ranting up and down the bus looking for the girls who left no room for any one else in the coach boot thingy, so we of course did the most sensible thing and hid under the seat, until nauseating P. Green got cornered and confessed for it haha. Silly girl.

**5 minutes later.**

Yawn I am tired! Jeeze I must of only got like what 2 hours sleep last night, ah well twas worth it and at least… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**(AN:WOW I finally finished my second chapter!! So guys tell me what you think ;) I just love reviews each one is like a warm hug. Although I will take critism to try and improve my work also. If you can help with an idea please please tell me =] )**


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